Ohhhhhh Myyyyyyyyyy.....

*Alright people. This post will be on the disgusting side. I'm just sayin'..... read at your own risk.*

Early this evening we arrived at Highland Orchards for a birthday party for two adorable little friends of ours. The kids were SO excited to be at a pumpkin patch for a birthday party.

We had only been there for maybe fifteen minutes and the kids had just began to explore the hay maze when Kyra told my hubby that she needed to go potty. Being in the maze and not having a direct lock on my location, he grabbed Kylie and hustled Kyra to the outdoor portable bathroom trailer. It was the kind that was one "room" with 3 partitioned stalls and a couple of sinks. There were two sides, one for men and one for women. Jim, noticing that the women's side was empty, took both of the girls and went inside to help Kyra use the potty. Other than the fact that Jim was in the women's bathroom, everything was fine.

Fastforward through a pizza party and cake to the moments just before the hayride. I was putting gloves on Kylie when Kyra again announced that she needed to potty, so I had Jim take her once again. Everyone began to make their way to the tractor for the hayride, but Kyra and Jim were still at the bathroom so I went to check on them. As I approached I saw Jim standing outside the trailer. He explained to me that Kyra had run to this side since that's where he had taken her before only this time there were other women inside, so he couldn't go in to help her. As I was about to go in to check on her, she emerged.... with poop on her hands.

I handed Kylie off to Jim and took Kyra to an outdoor sink to wash up. The sink didn't work, so we quickly ran back to the picnic tables where I "washed" her hands with antibacterial wipes. It got the poop off her hands, but I knew she was probably far from clean. Not wanting to hold up the hayride and not wanting Kyra to have to miss it either, we went ahead and ran to the tractor to join the rest of our group. Kyra was in perfect spirits and immensely enjoyed the sunset hayride. I, on the other hand, was getting wafts of an aroma that I kept hoping was fresh manure on the fields around us.

After the hayride, we followed the kids back toward the picnic area, but after only a minute or so, Kyra again had to use the bathroom. This time I took her.

As we were running toward the bathroom trailer, I realized that it was now dark outside and rationalized that surely the trailer would have a light on inside. It did not. It was nearly pitch black inside, despite the fact that one woman was holding the door open in an attempt to let some light in for her own child. By feel I got Kyra's pants down and sat her on the toilet. I then remembered that I had my camera in my pocket and the little digital screen could at least provide some light. I pulled it out, turned it on, and held it up close to Kyra. Oh how I wish I hadn't......

She was covered in poop. Diarrhea to be exact. Her panties and jeans were loaded. Her bottom and legs were coated. I had nothing with me but a camera. So I put the camera strap in my mouth and went to work. I removed her shoes, jeans, and panties and began to unravel wads of toilet paper to clean her up.

That's when I realized it wasn't all fresh. Some of it was caked on and was most likely what was providing the pleasant aroma for our hayride. I began pulling handfuls of paper towels (thank GOD they didn't have air hand dryers instead) off the wall and wetting them in the sinks. I did my best to clean her off with the cheap paper towels in the dim light of my camera screen, but I soon realized it was in vain. Even if I got her totally spotless, I'd still have to put the crap-caked jeans back on her. So I wrapped her panties in a wad of paper towels, shoved them to the bottom of the trash can, put her jeans and shoes back on, and called it a night.

In a stupor I plainly stated to Jim that we needed to leave and began dragging Kyra toward the car. It wasn't the fun ending I would've expected for the night and I felt like a mean mom for making her leave the party (even though I think everyone else was headed out too), but it was necessary. Jim took her straight to the bathtub when we got home and I threw her clothes (and some of mine, just in case) in the wash where I finally saw in bright light exactly what I'd been up against in that tiny, dark bathroom. Ugh. I'll just say it was as gross as it smelled.

So as not to leave you with the unpleasant mental pictures of a kid covered in poop, here are some not-so-crappy pictures of our evening at Highland Orchards: