Tuesday, January 26, 2010

HELP! I Just. Can't. Take it. Anymore.

I know its been a while. And I have a lot of good excuses for not blogging, but in reality, it all boils down to the fact that I just haven't felt like it.

Until now.

I'm so fired up, ticked off, freaking out, at the end of my rope, that I couldn't stop myself from running to the computer and getting on here to vent all the frustration. So, I'm sorry my first post in a while isn't based on something cute or happy, but I need to get this off my chest and out into cyber space before I explode into a million pieces all over my house (because I'll end up having to clean it up).

It's Kyra.

Yes, my cute little 3 year old daughter is the one who has me so upset I can't even think straight.

She won't stop peeing in her pants. And I've been really struggling lately with feeling that she is doing it to spite me. I don't let her have a piece of candy.... she pees in her pants. I take away a toy because she won't share... she pees in her pants. I spank her for disobeying me.... she pees in her pants. I don't know what to do anymore.

I've tried forcing her to sit on the potty when it's been hours since she's gone last, but most of the time she fights me the whole way. Even if she does actually go, she sits there yelling and crying "I don't have to go pee pee!" as she's going in the toilet. Other times she holds it and pees in her pants 5 minutes after she gets up off the potty.

I've tried asking her every 10 minutes all day long, "Kyra, do you need to go potty?". To which she replies, "No. I can't go potty." 99.9% of the time. And lately within a couple minutes of me asking her and her saying she doesn't need to go, she goes. In her pants.

I've been told you aren't supposed to punish a child for potty accidents. So I've been doing the best that I can to stay calm and tell her, "It's okay. Next time you really need to tell mommy that you need to go potty so we don't wet our panties." But I am having trouble keeping my cool any longer. The instant I feel or see the pee in her pants I feel my blood start to boil. I have to fight the urge to throw her over my knees and spank her soaking wet bottom. But it just keeps getting worse.

Allow me to paint you a picture of what I've been dealing with. In the last 10 days she has peed in her pants an average of 4 times per day, but often as many as 6 times. At the end of each day I have a pile of pee soaked panties, pants and sometimes shirts and socks on the floor of my laundry room. I have to laundry every single day now. Kyra peed in her pants at the American Eagle store at the mall after I took her to the bathroom twice right beforehand and she insisted she couldn't go. This morning as I was meeting with a Mary Kay rep, Kyra climbed up on my lap and peed all over me. And just a few moments ago during her "quiet time" Kyra peed in her pants, so I had her sit on the potty where she protested that she didn't need to go pee pee anymore and she wanted to take a nap. I allowed her back into her room after only a couple minutes on the potty and when I went to check on her 5 minutes later, she had soaked the new panties and pants I had just put on her and even got a good bit on her sheets.

I stripped her down, put her in a diaper, and ran to my computer. I'm seriously at my wit's end. I need prayer. I need help. I need someone who has been down this road before to tell me what's going on here and how to fix it. Because this is sucking the life out of me. It's consuming my time, my energy, my sanity and I hate it. But I love Kyra. SO much. And I need to figure this thing out ASAP so I don't end up doing something in a moment of frustration that I'll regret for a lifetime.

The crazy thing is she has these moments during the day where she'll take herself to the bathroom, lock the door and go pee in the potty all by herself. Granted, she ends up unrolling 1/4 the roll of toilet paper onto the floor, but still. She knows what she's doing. She CAN use the potty when she wants to. Which is I think what makes the pants peeing all the more frustrating.

Anyway.... not the astounding post I'm sure you were hoping for, but that's where I'm at. So...... now "quiet time" is over and I've got to go scrounge up a clean pair of underwear for Kyra to put on. So she can pee in it later. Awesome.


Hi, I'm Susan! said...

oh man kesh... i am so sorry. i wish i had advice to give you, but obviously i have no experience in this area. i pray God gives you wisdom and insight into why she's doing this and continues to give you the grace and strength to get through this! you're an amazing mom and you're doing such a good job!

Grammy Jean said...

You are an amazing mom,and the only encouragement I have is that "this too shall pass". I wish I had some divine insights for you, but I do know God will give you grace to withstand this time and wisdome through the experience. Hang in there we are praying for you!

Katie said...

boy oh boy will you have stories to tell her when she's 16....

i'm sorry, i come to you for advice--so i can't give any sadly. but, i will pray for this little 'stage' of hers to end...

and, i think you're amazing for running to your computer instead of spanking her or saying something you'd regret...you're better then me.

So, i'm thinking you're doing the right thing...and this will pass. but again, i'll be praying!

Derek said...

Sorry I am not much help either :( But it seems like everyone agrees that you are doing a wonderful job. We will be praying for the situation daily! Hang in there :)

the weldons said...

this so SUCKS! talk about something that can drain the energy and enthusiasam from your day! hmm...have you tried doing an internet search for other moms who have expirienced the same? i'll do some poking around and see what i can find. sweet kyra...if only you could get into her brain for a few moments and find out what is going on!

Cindy said...

Hang in there wonderful Mom! I remember days like this with Amy. Amy was stubborn and would rather play than use the potty. We went round & round, but I survived and wouldn't trade her for anything now! You might check with your pediatrician and make sure there is no physical problem. She will get it one of these days!

traceyheer said...

Oh my, that sounds just like my son. HELP!!! My soon to be 3 year old son has been essentially potty trained for almost 2 years now. He has weeks at a time where he will tell us he has to use the bathroom or just go himself but then there are other times where he will pee in his pants all day long. If I ask him if he has to go he says NO and gets upset. We also have moments like you described of Kyra, where he will be sitting on the potty after me having to hold him there and he is saying "I don't have to go, I don't want to go", then he'll get off and will have peed. I am so frustrated, discouraged and lost. I know it is a control issue and i know he is 100% potty trained if he wants to be. What I don't know, is how to get him to keep his pants dry and how I can keep from totally wanting to loose my mind when he doesn't. I feel like I have tried everything possible-rewards, praise, ignoring the wet pants, having him clean up his on mess, etc.
If you have any insight, ideas or recommendations, I am all ears. What did you end up doing? Did it work? Is Kyra back to using the washroom independently? Please, I'm desperate and every other mom I have talked to hasn't experienced this.
Thank you so much in advance,

Keshet said...

I hope you get this reply to your comment! I couldn't figure out how to email you directly because your profile was private. The mother of a friend of mine runs a daycare and she recommended that I just put Kyra back in diapers, despite the fact that she was "potty trained". She said the pants wetting was a control and attention thing, so I did put her back in diapers. After about 2 days she was complaining and said she didn't want to wear diapers anymore, so I told her I'd let her wear her panties, but if she wet them she had to go back in diapers the rest of the day. I was so nervous that putting her back in diapers would be comfortable for her and we'd have to potty train all over again, but it was the exact opposite. We didn't have hardly any accidents in our big girl pants from then on. As you can tell from this post, I have felt the pain of what you're going through and I really hope this helps you!